Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Box Derby Fall League Kickoff!
Here's how it works:
This fall we'll send out twelve brand-new specially-marked single- and double-background-sized boxes. Each will carry a label on the outside with the name of a team. With the help of Cracked.com, I've put together a list of a dozen of the professional, college, and high school teams with the best names.
Here, then, is the line-up for the inaugural season of the Box Derby League:
The Thailand Tobacco Monopoly (professional Thai soccer team)
The Cairo Syrupmakers (high school in Cairo, GA)
The Brevard County Manatees (minor-league baseball team in FL)
The UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs (University of California campus)
The Columbia College Fighting Koalas (University in Columbia, SC)
The Scottsdale Community College Fighting Artichokes (AZ)
The Yuma Criminals (high school in AZ)
The Mt. Clemens Battling Bathers (high school in MI)
The Hokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters (pro Japanese baseball team)
The Watersmeet Nimrods (high school in MI)
The Teutopolis Wooden Shoes (high school in IL)
The Hiroshima Toyo Carp (pro Japanese baseball team).
Simply: whichever box survives the greatest number of shipments wins, and everybody on that team (if you receive that box, you're on the team) will win a $25 credit towards a future rental. I'll make the announcement and post relevant stats in a future newsletter.
A little bit of fine print:
I'll ensure equity among travel distances for each box. In other words, an all-California team would have a big advantage over an all-Florida team, so I'll make sure each team recruits from across all time zones.
You can make minor structural repairs using tape only - any re-construction using additional cardboard, sheetrock, or pressure-treated lumber will be grounds for disqualification. We do, however, encourage you to bribe - er, I mean enlist - your UPS driver.
In the event of a tie, I'll calculate the winner based on total mileage traveled.
If you only do proms, sit tight - Spring League will be upon us in a few short months!